


Nadja's Secret Admirer

by WinsomeEarl



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Secret Admirer, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24601219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinsomeEarl/pseuds/WinsomeEarl
Summary: Anonymous gifts have been showing up at the house, leaving Nadja to figure out the identity of her mysterious secret admirer.
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Jenna/Nadja (What We Do in the Shadows TV), Jenna/Original Female Character, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja, Nadja/Gregor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	1. In Which Nadja Receives a Gift

When Guillermo goes out to get the mail that afternoon, he comes back in with the usual bills and eviction notices, along with a stunning bouquet of a dozen black roses. They were sat on the doorstep wrapped in a black silk scarf with a small, rolled up piece of parchment tied to them with a blood red ribbon. Guillermo sweeps back into the foyer with a happy sigh and a small smile on his face. Closing the door, he buries his nose in the bouquet, closes his eyes and inhales. He always loved the smell of roses. And he had never seen ones this shade! So romantic, and yet so macabre. He can imagine them resting up against a headstone, its midnight petals laden with morning dew, like a grieving lover's tears.

It isn't morning, but the roses are dusted with drops of water. Though he hadn't gone out, he had been doing chores around the house all evening and had heard the patter of rain on the windowsill. Only minutes after waking his master, Nandor had left the house to run an errand, making it clear that he wished to be unaccompanied while he was out. Of course, going with Nandor to the nearby CVS and watching him badger the underpaid night staff was always a bit stress inducing, but he still felt his heart sink a bit knowing his master wanted to go without him. Nandor's moods could be impossible to read when he wanted them to be, and this had been one of those times. Guillermo had come to accept it by now, but it still proved to be a bit frustrating trying to gauge his emotional state at all times. Oh well.

Taking a closer look at the rolled up parchment attached to the bouquet, he notices what may have once been a letter written on it in black ink. Unable to make it out, he assumes it must have gotten a bit smudged from the rain. From one angle, it looks like a cursive uppercase 'N', but from another angle, it seems to be a bit rounder. Even a bit familiar, in a way. A large round character with a curved tail snaking inside. Guillermo squints at it for a moment longer. Could it possibly be...

A sudden, loud gasp from behind him startles him out of his train of thought. He turns to see Nadja running down the hall towards him with her skirts hitched up. When she reaches him, she sweeps the bouquet of roses out of his arms.

"Ooh, Laszlo remembered!" she singsongs, laughing and hugging the roses to her chest, "he said nothing about it all evening, he wanted me to think he forgot!"

She hums, hopping from one foot to the other and then spinning on her toes.

"My cheeky bastard husband, I just want to squish his face into a teeny tiny red pulp!"

As Nadja almost skips back down the hallway, Guillermo pipes up quietly.

"Um, I think those might be for-"

"Might be for what?" Nadja cuts off.

Guillermo considers for a moment if its worth telling her.

"Nevermind." he concludes.

Nadja makes a face in his general direction for interrupting her, before humming her way down the hallway. Guillermo is left alone in the foyer with a handful of soggy mail dripping onto his shoes. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and sighs.


	2. In Which Laszlo is a Wonderful Actor, Until He Isn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nadja seeks out her husband

Nadja sways to her and Laszlo's crypt crooning some ancient melody, and her haunting voice can be heard throughout the house. As she walks into the room, her wonderful husband glances up from where he sat playing the harpsichord, and the last note he hit hangs in the air. She squeals and rushes over to throw herself onto his lap.

"What puts you in such a good mood this evening, my darling?" Laszlo asks, confused by his wife's unusually cheery demeanor.

"Oh, as if you don't know!" she taps one finger on his nose playfully before wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing a kiss into his cheek. "You're a wonderful actor, my Laszlo. Acting all evening like you forgot, and I believed you!"

Laszlo glances back and forth between her and the wall for a moment.

"I'm sorry, my dear, but I really have not a whore's notion of what you speak."

In response, Nadja hits him playfully on the shoulder.

"Laszlo, the game is over! I've already received your lovely gift in the mail, I know you remember!"

She holds the bouquet up to her face once more and beams over it at her husband, waiting for the grin of sly recognition to spread across his face. She waits and waits, and it never does. Nadja's contended expression slowly morphs into one of disappointment.

"You really don't remember, do you?" she asks sharply.

Beneath her, Laszlo spreads his hands out, palms up.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, my dear! I don't even know what day of the week it is." He scratches at his chin, thinking as hard as he can. "It's not the anniversary of the Reign of Terror, is it? I seem to recall that being in the Fall. All those heads tumbling down, just like the autumn leaves!"

He sighs wistfully, lost in thought, before noticing that his wife does not share his amusement. At this point, he decides to look very serious and remorseful instead. Nadja, growling under her breath, takes his cheek between her forefinger and thumb and pinches him as hard as she possibly can.

"Ow!" Laszlo cries, "Ow ow ow ow, OW!"

She releases his cheek with a humph and gets angrily to her feet. Laszlo tries to reach out his arms to soothe her, but she petulantly bats them away and stomps one high-heeled foot on the ground.

"Today is our anniversary, you twat!" she barks at him.

"The anniversary of our unholy matrimony? No no no, my dear, that's in-"

"Not our wedding anniversary, you fat rain toad! The anniversary of the day I turned you!"

Laszlo's eyebrows shoot up in sudden recollection.

"Oh, was that-"

"Tonight, yes! It was tonight! Our 500th anniversary, and you give it not even a thought!"

Her hands fall dejectedly down to her sides, still holding the bouquet, and she gives a scoff of anger. Laszlo, forlorn, stands from his chair.

"Well, I remember now, my dear!"

Nadja crosses her arms as best she can while not letting go of the luscious bouquet and turns her back on him.

"Humph!" she pouts, shoulders hunched.

"Is that all you have to say to me? Humph?" he pitches his voice up at the end to mimic his wife.

"Well, that is all you had to say to me for our anniversary, so that is all I have to say to you! A big load of nothing!"

Laszlo pauses for a moment, unsure of how to undig his own grave and console his wife as another thought occurs to him.

"Now, my love, what I can't get my head around is, and believe you me I am not at all trying to change the subject, if not from me, than who else could those flowers be from?"

Nadja shifts slightly. Even though her back is towards him, it is clear the thought hadn't occurred to her either.

"Well," she sniffs, refusing to take the bait, "Whoever they are from, they clearly have more care for me than you do."

As Laszlo protests, Nadja strides out of the crypt, flowers in hand, back into the hall.


	3. In Which Nandor is Bad at Stealth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nandor has a question for his familiar.

As Guillermo brushes Nandor's hair for the night, he notices his master has been sneaking expectant glances at him. Nandor is trying to be secretive in his staring, no doubt, but stealth isn't really his forte. Perhaps he expected Guillermo to say something? But what? After a few moments of tense silence, once Nandor realizes that there is no statement forthcoming from his familiar, he decides to take the matter into his own hands.

"So, Guillermo..." he begins, in a voice that sounds forcefully casual, "Did you get any mail today?"

"Yes, I got the mail, Master. I left yours by the money dish, as usual."

"Ah, yeas, thank you Guillermo. But, ah... what I meant is, did you get anything in the mail special for you? Like a card, perhaps, or a nice long letter, or maybe a coupon to Baskin Robbins..."

He trails off expectantly, waiting for a reply, as Guillermo laughs glumly under his breath.

"No, I never get any mail, Master."

Nandor is silent for a moment.

"Are you sure?" he asks again.

"Yes, Master. No one even knows that I live here."

"Did you check each piece of mail individually? Even some things which may not have been in envelopes?" Nandor persists vaguely, relentless as ever.

"Yes, Master, I separated the mail into three piles like always. One for you, one full of bills for Colin Robinson, and one for Nadja and Laszlo. In fact, Laszlo ordered Nadja a bouquet of black roses. I think it must be their anniversary. She was so excited, she didn't even order me to fetch a vase or anything."

Nandor seems to only be paying attention to every other word he's saying, before snapping out of it after realizing that Guillermo has been done talking for a while. When he speaks next, all he says is 'Oh.'

Guillermo notices his master sounds crestfallen as Nandor continues.

"How nice that is for her." he mutters.

Neither one of them says much of anything as Guillermo continues to brush his master's hair.


	4. In Which Nadja Seeks Out Her Potential Suitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nadja considers who could be behind the gift.

Sitting on her own in the Fancy Room, Nadja traces one finger over the silken surface of a rose petal, lost in thought. Laszlo, though being a cheating, anniversary-forgetting, subject-changing bastard, had brought up a decent point. If the flowers had not been from him, then who were they from? She had no doubt that she had many an admirer, both dead, alive, and somewhere in between, but who knew her well enough to deliver flowers on an anniversary not even her dear husband could remember?

She's placed the roses in an urn after dumping the ashes that were within outside on the lawn. She wonders briefly who the ashes had belonged to before remembering they were from one of Gregor's past incarnations, when he had reborn as a big black dog that belonged to one of the neighbors. She winces as she remembers how he was done in, getting rabies after being bitten by a bat that looked suspiciously like to Laszlo. Suddenly, an idea occurs to Nadja all at once. Gregor! It must have been him who sent the flowers!

Upon trying to contact Gregor through a seance, however, she discovers that since his death he has been focusing most of his ghostly energy on trying to get reincarnated as a handsome black raven, and has had little psychic power to do much else, let alone cut a dozen black roses and deliver them directly to her door. She keeps the bit about the raven in mind for later, and decides that she'll check back on the matter in the spring, when the raven's lay their eggs. Thinking of the bat that killed her poor hound Gregor, she recalls her little donkey baby Jenna, and decides to pay her a visit. Jenna had been quite eager to do hand and mouth stuff after all, if she recalls correctly. Her poor baby had never been very good at turning into a bat, anyhow, but with her invisibility she could have easily left her the flowers without being noticed. 

Tracking her by scent, she finds that Jenna has been living in the abandoned Circuit City nearby, and has been feeding mostly by being invited into hospitals in the dead of night and then sneaking unseen to steal pouches of donated blood. They litter the Circuit City floor like empty pouches of Capri Sun at a 3rd graders birthday party. When Nadja asks her if it was she who sent the flowers, Jenna tells her that although she still thinks that Nadja is gorgeous and powerful and even still has a teeny bit of a crush on her, things have been getting 'pretty serious' with a goth girl she met on Tinder, who meets her for late night movies sometimes, and even lets her drink her blood. 

"I just told her that it's like... my kink. Drinking blood. And she's totally into it!" Jenna says, wringing her hands with nerves and excitement, "She doesn't know that I'm a vampire, but I think she suspects something, since she asked me why I only go out at night and I never eat around her. I'm planning on telling her this evening, since its our one month anniversary. We're actually going on a date tonight, to see a midnight screening of Rocky Horror for Valentine's Day!"

Though Nadja may be a bit disappointed that she's no closer to finding her secret admirer, she is proud of her sweet, stupid, donkey baby for finding both a mate and prey, even if that prey is just preprocessed blood bags and the same groupie goth girl each time. After bidding her silly and strange vampire daughter farewell, she even pays a visit to her good friend Wallace the Necromancer, who informs her that although he is a necrophiliac, he mostly just gets it on with zombies, ghosts and revenants. He then offers her a friends and family discount on a rabbit's foot which she politely declines and then returns to the house more puzzled than ever.

In the Fancy Room once more, she falls back onto the sofa with a huff. With a frown, she glances over at her mystery flowers, as if asking them to give her some hint as to their origins. 

"Yeas, Nadja," she can almost here them giggling in their high, feminine voices, "We were given to you by a seeecret admirer, but we cannot tell you who they are, hehe!"

She crosses her arms and glowers at the flowers for their lack of help. Then, her eye catches on the small, rolled up piece of paper attached to the roses by a thin red ribbon. She sits up quickly and snatches it off of the bouquet. She sees the 'N' written on the front of it- 'N' for 'Nadja' she thinks proudly, though whoever wrote it has horrible handwriting. That, and it's also gotten quite smudged in the rain. If she were being completely honest with herself, the initial on the front of the letter was pretty much illegible. She casts that though aside, however, as she unrolls the piece of parchment in search of answers. Perhaps the solution to her problem had been right under her nose the whole time! Reading the tiny scroll's contents, however, provides no such clarity.

It reads:  
To, My Lovely Companion  
Eternally yours, Your Loyal Creature of the Night

Though it does not give her a direct answer, it does provide her with a much sought-after clue. "Creature of the Night," she repeats to herself. The sender must be a fellow vampire! It narrows down the search, but frankly not by much. She mostly kept in touch with other vampires only because of the biannual orgies, but she wasn't very close to many vampires outside of her own home. Besides, during an orgy, it was impossible to tell if anyone in particular was looking at you with longing and desire in their eyes, because for the most part, everyone was.

At that moment, the front door swings open, startling Nadja out of her thoughts.

"Hello!" Colin Robinson announces to no one in particular as he bustles into the foyer.

Out of habit, and also because he's the only person in the room to take her anger out on, Nadja hisses at him, but her heart isn't really in it this time.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's nowhere near Valentine's Day, but this idea got in my head and wouldn't leave.


End file.
